Judith Clark 1934 – 2020

Judy Clark: 1936-2020

I have known Judy Clark for 50 years.  

She passed away and there was a virtual funeral for her on Friday.  

I am convinced by Lorraine Wright’s blog that in general we have not found a satisfying way to grieve together when we do it virtually.  

She argues that we might want to think of waiting and meeting together as we have in the past, communally, but the wait may be long – since it will be to the end of COVID.  

I see most people are proceeding with virtual or streamed funerals, since I think we need to grieve together, some way around the event of the death.  

I watched Glenda Stonehocker’s funeral streamed, and Vi Hudson’s through Zoom.  I am getting used to some of the protocols, and seeing that people are adding personalized touches that make the funerals seem warm and hopeful.  Or said another way, there is often something about the funeral that makes me admire the connections people have with each other.  Glenda’s children all stood at the front, beside the microphone as they gave their talks.  I was touched by that. 

Last week, Judy’s funeral was themed love, color and light, at least that was my feeling. 

David Clark, a nephew, read her biography.  He did it in her words, from her memoirs.  That was lovely:  her words, a male voice reading them.  Boarding school, a longing for home, an adventure to America, meeting girls on a ship who read every day – their euphemism for studying scriptures, since they were on their way to a mission.  They did allow her to bring a book and join the "reading club".  She wanted their kind of happiness.

Again in her voice, through David Clark, we heard of her return to America, her chance meeting with Brent, their marriage, what might seem like an ordinary trajectory of a woman’s life, but hearing her own words, instead of having them storied by someone else, seemed to bring her right into the room for me.

In the transition from memoir to themes in Judy’s life, David Clark reminded us of the story of the widow’s mite, his voice choking when he referred to the morale of that parable. Who the greatest among those who gave.  The answer, the widow for she gave all that she had.  

David felt that this is the way Judy lived her life.  

The rest of the funeral went on to show ways that Judy gave all that she had.  

She was fully present in life,

Judy was an artist.  She was a calligrapher.  Colour and shape were always in her mind's eye.  She was also about light, the high degree of white that shines off of yellow, for example.  She carried her art into her remodeled kitchen, into cabinetry, into her bedroom, and her children tried to carry her theme into the coffin that would hold her body.

Judy was all about the small things in life:  plants blooming year round.  If Judy spoke to her hoya plant, it was as if the hoya would speak back with blossoms.  She loved the birds, the smallest and the rust-browns of the sparrows were in her eye’s view and cared for them with a bird bath and seed.

Grandchildren, Lauren Anderson and her cousin, performed a violin piano duet using the melody of “Come Thou Font of Every Blessing”.  I found myself humming along, sometimes singing along with phrases I have loved from that hymn: “teach me some melodious sonnet, / Sung by flaming tongues above”.  Where are there words with a plea more fervent than that?– at least for a lover of words and music conjoined.

Judy Clark was a “don’t put me at the centre of attention” woman. She quickly deflected the spotlight, anytime it landed on her.  Everyone would agree, that was how Judy was. 

In their talk about her, Brenda and Janet said that their mother had 12 Rules to Live By:

1.   Seek happiness.  Does a movie have a happy ending?  If not, it was not for her.

2.   Use terms of endearment: honey, dearest and especially Aussifications of your own name.  Oh, to have had my name Aussified by Judy!

3.   Families matter.  Her experience at boarding school made her long for a more traditional family life, thus she loved the extended families that came with marrying Brent.

4.   Be Kind to Little Creatures.  Even in China, she stopped to buy a book that would let her name the new birds she was seeing.

5.   Be the Real You.  She said to a young person who had been hurt, “They are treating you that way, because they don’t know the real you”, and it is that sentence that empowered the hearer to live an authentic life – authentic to “the real you”.

6.   Make Life Sweet.  On Thursdays, Judy made cookies – not the same recipe.  She mixed it up.  A variety.  Then she gave them away.

7.   Value Friendships.  Erva said once you were Judy’s friend, you were always her friend.

8.   Before you go, go.  Self-explanatory.

9.   Have a Song in Your Heart.  Judy’s oft sung song was “I love you / a bushel and a peck …."  As I sat listening I was wondering what song I had been carrying in my heart that day as I had prepared to come to her virtual funeral.  Her daughters said that a few days before she died, the singers in the family had gathered to sing the Welch folk tune,  “Ash Grove” for her.  At the end of this post, I shall post those words – they are worth reading.  Though I know the tune, I am not that familiar with the lyrics.  I could only join in on a few phrases.

10. Hang in there.  Things will get better.

11. Give Service.

12. Love is All You Need.

There you have it:  Judy’s 12 Rules to Live By.

I want to add a story about Brent, Judy and the squirrels in their yard.  Brenda was an avid gardener and needed to get rid of the squirrels.  He caught and caged one and then had the requisite bucket in which to drown the squirrel.  He tried to shake it out of the cage.  On the first try it did not come out.  On the second shake, it did not come out.  On the third vigorous shake it came out, skidding on the water, hit the rim of the barrel and escaped.  Brent retired to the house.  In conversation he asked Judy what she had been doing. "Praying that the little squirrel would not be killed," she said.  Brent said, "I can't win when Judy and heaven work together."

I was left wondering if there were a list of 12 Rules to Live By from Arta, what would they be?   I will have to think about that more.  I can remember Reva Nelson saying that she wished she would have made more doll clothes.  Turning that into a rule, it would be "Sew More".

On hearing Judy’s rules, I felt they had grounded her in her lived experience.

Attending the virtual funeral was a great privilege. 

Knowing her was an even greater joy.

And now for the lyrics of "The Ash Grove".  You can find a musical rendition of this in many places on you tube or click on Web Family Music.

Down yonder green valley where streamlets meander, When twilight is fading, I pensively rove, Or at the bright noontide in solitude wander Amid the dark shades of the lonely Ash grove. 

'Twas there while the blackbird was joyfully singing, I first met my dear one, the joy of my heart; Around us for gladness the bluebells were ringing, Ah! then little thought I how soon we should part.

Still grows the bright sunshine o'er valley and mountain, Still warbles the blackbird his note from the tree; Still trembles the moonbeam on streamlet and fountain, But what are the beauties of nature to me. 

With sorrow, deep sorrow, my bosom is laden, All day I go mourning in search of my love. Ye echoes, O tell me, where is the sweet maiden? She sleeps 'neath the green turf down by the Ash grove.

Arta