Thursday, February 24, 2022

Richard, most of the time you are a nice person, sometimes you are not....

 I warmed up the machines in the shop today.  An air hose that hangs from the roof got pulled into a machine and pulled down half of the metal air lines.  It was a fairly dangerous event while no one was in during the morning.

Of course I didn't mean to, of course I didn't like it.  I try to monitor my feelings and my reactions.  Why am I feeling this?  I texted the owners group and said "pulling it down, nobody is hurt".  Jack, who I head butt with fairly regularly walked by, didn't say anything mean when he saw me and the damage.  Ten minutes later I got a reply on the group text.  "I said 100 times close the door before spins".

I lost my mind.  

I went and yelled at him, I told him does he want to tell my bosses that?  Does he want to tell me that in front of my bosses.  I'm sure that I was using the booming voice that I don't always know that I'm choosing to use.....

I did apologize later in the day.  When he passed by me once in a while he would ignore me... or walk slowly somewhere else without looking over to me.  Finally I wrote down on a note pad "Jack I am sorry" and it made a night and day difference.

"We are the same you and I".

and then later in the day.  

"Richard, most of the time you are a nice person, sometimes you are not".


So I absolutely was the grieved person.  I absolutely was ready to quit, leave, and thought that I was being treated with unkindness.  What I take away from this experience is a bit confusing.  I worry that it's an unhuman way of acting, but when I was analyzing the situation before the apology, this is what I saw.  Someone hurt me, but they were now walking around like an injured puppy.  Did I hurt them?  Was I the cause of them not looking after me or worrying about my needs?  I needed them to not be a whole other problem that I had to deal with.  I needed to find a way to apologize to test the waters of his trouble.

It worked, and like a flower opening up, everything started getting better.  He was coming to me to talk to me.  He was mending our relationship.  I didn't have to do much, just write down on a pad of paper.... "I'm sorry Jack".

Here is a picture of a silly grade one girl to lighten the mood.


Also, I own that statement.  Richard, most of the time you are a nice person, sometimes you are not....









Monday, February 21, 2022

Rings on Fingers -- A Montreal Adventure

 A few weeks back, Axel and I had the chance to go to Montreal for an overnight trip to visit Cathy and her family.  Over the past 20 years, I've done this many times a year.  But with our temporary two year move to Alberta, those trips were put on hold -- a two hour drive from Gatineau to Montreal turned into a four day drive from Alberta to Quebec.

Anyway, though I love the City of Montreal, and love to explore it, I just wanted to be with my sister.  I was happy to stay home and just visit.  But Cathy had an adventure planned, so we popped out for a quick trip down to Sherbrooke so Cathy could buy me a surprise. I was so very, very excited when she showed me what it was.  You know you are getting old when getting a balm to reduce cracking on your heals makes you squeal with joy.

We also decided to pop into a bead and jewlery store.  Cathy had a necklace she needed the clasp repaired on, and she wanted to show me this shop that she knew Arta had spent time exploring.

At the front desk, there was a tray of rings and Cathy and i couldn'e help but try them on, thinking of Arta, and of course we both found at least one that we loved enough to buy.  

Can you guess whose rings and fingers are whose?







Sunday, February 20, 2022

Continuous Learning: Arta's Wisdom and No Kids for Me

Continuous Learning 

I am constantly taking courses which is often called continuous learning. I have been taking an Adult Education Certificate in e-Learning certificate for two years hoping to professionally transition out of the classroom and into instructional design. As people who have taken adult education classes know, you have to share a post each week to demonstrate you are actually doing the work. In the past few weeks I have used personal story telling to share what I have learned, and thought I would share two posts with my family. The first about Arta and her wisdom, and the second about living a life without having had my own children. Thanks for reading and yes I kept the academic references etc. :) 

Aunt Arta and Her Wisdom

This week I am taking the opportunity to introduce you to one of the most wise people I know, my aunt Arta Johnson. In the early 1990’s I had just moved to Alberta and she had just begun a 16 career with the University of Calgary Libraries, which would become a long series of transformative experiences and would widen her circles (Bassett, 2005; Merriam & Bierema, 2014). Arta offered a welcoming home while I was in town for holidays and we spent many hours together. Her new paid employment helped her begin her feminist awakening which influenced my own feminist worldview. 

 
Arta’s new paid employment offered her the opportunity to take courses that challenged her previous ideas of gender schemas thus widening her circles as she began espousing less traditional sex-at-birth and gender roles (Bassett, 2005; Neff, 2021).  This included the role as president of the family company that owned land and cabins we all shared, a role her father, Doral, had been educating her for, for several years. After Doral passed, Arta spent the first 20 years as president of the company completing the corporate work, often alone, then the next 20 years with increased family participation using holistic and systemic thinking, “taking in the whole of the situation and…distinguish[ing] what it consists of, what the various parts are, and how they relate to each other” (Bassett, 2005, p. 8). She was able to use wisdom as “the capacity to see the big picture and to know what priority or weight to give things” (Bassett, 2005, p. 8) maintaining the integrity of the company and land, despite many obstacles and legal disagreements amongst family members. 


As Dr. Carrie Bassett (2011), a wisdom researcher, has shared, “wisdom is having sufficient awareness in various situations and contexts to act in ways that enhance our common humanity” (para. 6). Arta was able to use discerning wisdom to answer questions like what is really going on and what is important, when family members disagreed (Bassett, 2005, p 7). She was able to respect another point of view and try to see the business through other people’s realities (Bassett, 2005, p 7). She engaged others in making decisions as she wanted the family land to be enjoyed. She transformed our self-knowledge as she taught us to think about our choices and reflect on how they would affect the family collective and land (Bassett, 2005, p 7). Arta had an “expert-level knowledge in the fundamental pragmatics of life” (Merriam & Bierema, 2014, p. 185) and used her “practical and successful intelligence and creativity” to balance the interpersonal and intrapersonal aspects of our lives as part of the family and company (Merriam & Bierema, 2014, p. 185). Through these years of effort, Arta has taught me that continuous learning can add to a person's intelligence and knowledge used for common humanity can help us each become more wise. 

Sadly, we lost the matriarch of our family in the Spring of 2021 but the legacy Arta has left us is immeasurable (in part as the main author of our family blog, Larch Haven: https://larchhaven.blogspot.com/). She is at the top of my list of wise people and I am so grateful for her wise influence in my life. 
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References:
Bassett, C. (2005). Emergent Wisdom: Living a life in widening circles, ReVision, 27(4), p. 6-11. https://www.wisdominst.org/emergent.pdf 

Bassett, C. (2011). Living, Learning, and Leading For a Wiswer Future. The Wisdom Institute and


Becoming OtherWise Programs. https://www.wisdominst.org/wisdom.html 

Merriam, S. B., & Bierema, L. L. (2014). Adult Learning: Linking theory and practice. Jossey-Bass. 
Neff, K. (2021). Fierce Self-Compassion: How women can harness kindness to speak up, claim their power, and thrive. Harpercollins Publishers.


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Transformative Learning: My Life, No Children


I did not know that Peter Jarvis’ theory of transformative learning through experience would help me use hindsight to understand some of my critical life experiences. In particular my experience of being a cis-woman who does not have children. I am sharing my experience today while indicating the associated learning process, identified by the 1-7 boxes from figure 3 from Jarvis’ (2012) paper titled, Learning From Everyday Life.


I was raised within a religious community that emphasized heterosexual marriage and motherhood as the main focus of every woman’s life. Other choices, such as work outside the home, could be made but nothing would compare to the joyful role of motherhood (box 1-1; Jarvis, 2012). Finding myself divorced and without children at the young age of 29, I had several moments of disjuncture, when I could “no longer presume upon our world and act upon it in an almost unthinking manner” (Jarvis, 2012, p.9). My life experiences and social interactions with others caused me to have “larger gaps that demand[ed] considerable learning” about the necessity of having children (box 2; Jarvis, 2012, p. 12). I also had pre-consciously internalized the message of motherhood, equating it to a good life, more deeply than I had thought, and my divorce brought these ideas into my conscious awareness (Jarvis, 2012; Merriam & Bierema, 2014). Due to these experiences I began learning about motherhood and womanhood as part of my everyday life. 


While experiencing the emotions surrounding the ideas and commitments of motherhood (box 4) I decided to take several courses of action (box 5). I completed a great deal of research, including searching out and reading books like Nobody’s Mother: A life without kids by Lynne Van Luven (2006). I loosely planned out my life with several options (including unpartnered, partnered, with children, or without children) and made some commitments to myself. These commitments helped me gather new knowledge about creating a joyful life, thus beginning to resolve the cognitive dissonance I experienced about the messages of motherhood from my youth (box 6). As years passed, I did not find a partner with whom I was willing to take on the commitment of children and I was not willing to have children as a single person. This brings me to my current life stage where I am contentedly child-less and I can review a past, experience a present, and build a future full of joy, which for me did not include having children (box 7 and 1-2). Jarvis' learning theory has helped me understand what I have learned from my experiences as a life long series of learning processes.  



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References:


Jarvis, P. (2012). Learning From Everyday Life. Human & Social Studies, Research and Practice (HSSRP), 1(1), p. 1-20. http://hssrp.uaic.ro/continut/1.pdf 


Merriam, S. B., & Bierema, L. L. (2014). Adult Learning: Linking theory and practice. Jossey-Bass. 


Van Luven, L. (2006). Nobody’s Mother: Life without kids. Touchwood Editions.


Monday, February 7, 2022

Snowshoeing at Shuswap

 The First Snowshoe Trip


Chelsea T and I went to Shuswap for a few health and wellness days. While I had been at the Lake in February over 10 years ago with Arta, I had not been back at this time of year since then. I needed some quiet thinking time so we headed to quiet winter Shuswap.

We brought new snowshoes and walking poles with us and headed out to see what roads and paths would be worthy of our walking skills. 

The best Shuswap view with winter touches.

As we ventured out it was so quiet and the clouds hung low on the mountains. 

Tonia on her way!

I lead the way down the new road to Marcia's lot. We knew the snow would be deep and the views spectacular.

Obligatory Selfie with Bastion Mountain!

Chelsea T and Bastion Mountain

The clouds were perfect and they drew our eyes toward the mountain I am so familiar with, highlighting the roundness of it's shape. 

Chelsea T and our lovely homes.

One More View



Down the steep hill we walked, following the stream that separates the property, down to the beach.



The views of the quiet and serene forest were tall and overwhelming as we took the time to pause and look up. Always look around while in nature as you never know what is behind, above, beside, and around you unless you rest a moment to take it all in. 


We hopped a stream as we made our way along the property. This is the road Greg has been clearing so we can reach the path that leads to Old Sicamous Road. 


Deeper into the wood we go loving the crunch of the snow beneath us.

The Second Snowshoe Trip

Greg and I headed out a few days later for another trip around the property. We walked along the paths across the back lots, then visited several of the front lots. Stunning day with more sun shining down on us.

Greg enjoying the view!


A quick selfie of the snowshoeing duo.


The forest surrounded us.


What a visit and retirement!


Take the time to visit Shuswap in the winter and bring your snowshoes and poles as you can travel into the forest and enjoy a quiet moment of wellness and serenity.