Someone asked for a report of the Calgary Fireside with Tom
Christofferson. Before I do that, I want
to say to those who are in Lethbridge, if you have the chance to listen to Tom
when he speaks there in a few days, please do so. Bring your friends, your relatives and your
neighbours. Bring the copy of his book
if you have it, and have him autograph it.
Bring you kids, your grandchildren and perhaps a pad of paper for you
may want to make your own notes. Just a
another idea, index cards were passed out along the rows as the meeting was
starting so that people could write their questions and then he would answer
them at the end of the evening. So be
sure to have a pen with you.
And now welcome to my way of reporting which will be so
random about the evening that I will lose a few of you.
I went early, at least earlier than I go when I go to
church.
I did have the intention of
seeing friends before and after the meeting.
I saw no one I knew in the foyer or as I entered the chapel. I sat by a woman I did not know, so I
introduced myself.
It turned out I was
sitting by Jennifer and Caitlan Logan who live just outside of the city limits
and are in the Cochrane Ward.
Jennifer
told me that her maiden name was Card so I was soon to make the connection that
Caitlan was Mike Card’s cousin, and Mike Card is best friends with my son,
Richard.
I liked the chatter between
the three of us, it seemed so very Mormon, positioning ourselves by ward, then
by families and then by work experience and interests.
For sure all of us like to read. Only one of us is passionate about Ultimate Frisbee.
I asked Jennifer if she knew many people there for I knew
hardly anyone. I saw Tony Thomas and
Susan Truba on the last pew in the chapel as I walked in. Jennifer said she only knew Gerald Walton whom
she grew up with in the Calgary Second Ward.
So between the three of us, we didn’t know many in the congregation
which was into the overflow by the time the meeting started.
David Litchfield chaired the meeting. He is the Stake President of the Calgary
Stake. His introductory remarks included
the fact that he and his wife Sherri had attended General Conference in Salt
Lake. While he was at other events she
likes to go to the bookstore and while there had purchased a copy of That We May Be One. She pulled that book out of the bag as they
began the drive home. She read it to him until the Canadian border and by then
they were close to the final chapters. At
the border he got a call from Bonnie White.
She organizes events and brings Mormon speakers to Calgary. I have never gone to any of those
events. Bonnie White wondered if David
Litchfield could sponsor a fireside with Tom Christofferson. David Litchfield says that he thought of Elder
Ronald A. Rasband who tells us there are few coincidences in life. So Bonnie’s call and their reading of Christofferson’s
book seemed to be in sync. Thus the Calgary Stake was sponsoring the building
and Tom Christofferson paid his own way to come to Canada.
David Litchfield also gave a few details introducing the
speaker who is a retired investment manager in the U.S. and in Europe and a
founding member of Encircle.
A musical number and then the Tom took the podium. He began by saying that when he speaks and
people are on folding chairs, he thinks that perhaps they have come to see his
brother Todd speak and not to hear him.
I didn’t pick up my pen
to write anymore. Remember, I have
watched him interviewed for 3 hours on Mormon Stories, so I was enjoying his
personality and his carefully chosen words.
So loving and respectful to his audience. Polished.
Dignified. Concerned. Every word carefully chosen. When speaking of gay members in a family
constellation he said that the lesson for them to learn is that nothing will
take you out of the circle of our love.
I picked up my pen later to write “All are needed and
wanted”.
Later he said of his own
journey that he finally came to ask the question, What lack I yet.
Tom gave personal stories about his partner, he told how
they dissolved their relationship of 17 years, he told how he felt the need to
be re-baptised and join the members of his family. If you go to listen to him on the podcast
Mormon Stories, all of this will be fleshed out with beauty and grace, much
more than I can write.
The formal lecture/talk/sermon ended.
Then the questions were gathered from up and down the
rows. The index cards had been handed
out sparingly. Only 2 to our row which
now held 5 people. Of course I took one,
for I had my own question after listening to the podcast.
Now I didn’t have my computer there, and so I had to
handwrite the questions and the answers.
Please don’t hold me strictly to what you will read now. This is the best I could capture:
Question 1: The Family Proclamation says homosexuality is an
abomination. What do you have to say to that?
Answer: Right now the church believes that marriage is
between a man and a woman. But the rest
of us can’t tell who is right and who is wrong.
We have what we have. (The Stake
President got up later and said that strictly the Family Proclamation does not
use the word abomination.)
Question 2: How do
you deal with the loneliness of not having a partner?
Answer: I need to tell you 2 stories to answer that question. The first is that the physical side of my
relationship with my partner had finished for about 6 months. The second is that I went to the bishop to
say that I thought I could be re-baptised and the Bishop of my ward asked to
speak to my partner about this in the church building. The Bishop told my partner, “We will tell you
why baptism feels right for Tom. The
question is, does it feel right for you to have him do this.” The partner did not agree that it was and the
bishops said, “You and your partner should both feel good about this before you
are re-baptized. Tom went on to say, I
wanted my partner to feel what I felt.
Now I could see that what I should want is for him to find his own
happiness. And my partner wanted me to
find my own happiness in return. We
separated. Later I learned he was dating
someone and would be moving to Atlanta.
I still wanted my best friend in my life. But I should be grateful that my partner had
found happiness. How to deal with the
loneliness? I think I am doing it by
progressing in discipleship.
Question 3: How can I
explain the policy of the church to others?
How can I help my gay children to navigate their lives?
Answer: I never felt my parent’s love for me was a tactic to
get me back to the church. The approach
is we love those around us because they are trying to be the best they can
be. The L.D.S. form of marriage is not
what the government offers. We are
taught that the highest form of marriage is between a man and a woman. But we can be genuine about loving others
around us. Parents should never close a
door.
Question 4: Please discuss the gender types found in the
Family Proclamation.
Answer: I don’t have an answer. From science it would seem that during the
gestational period these things are set, just like left-handness or having red
hair. Perhaps there is an eternal
intelligence that is gay. I am sure that
we were part of a Heavenly Family, all of us brothers and sisters. Now we are here on earth and there are
parents and grandparents, but still in the pre-existence we were all brothers
and sisters, and still are.
A small interjection here.
One of the questions above also included the sentence, You are the
Christofferson that I came to hear. That
made the audience laugh and Tom Christofferson said he was going to show that
card to his brother.
Question 5: I have been listening to your podcasts. I understand you are looking for ways to be
close to the Saviour. Does a person have
to be baptized to go on that journey?
Can a non-member find the same happiness while searching for the Saviour?
Answer: I am sorry
you had to listen to the podcast. I was
somewhat relaxed (I can’t remember the exact word he used) in that
interview. I don’t think we have to be
members of the church to find the Saviour.
There are many good people in the world who do a good job of that. What I would like to do is invite everyone to
feel the love of the Saviour.
Question 6: I deal
with suicidal thoughts. I am the piece
that doesn’t fit.
Answer: I hope you know as you sit on the pew tonight that
you are loved. Reach out to a hotline in
this critical time. Know that on
Thursday the apostles and the president of the church have names on the altar
and they pray for every member of the church.
Whatever the journey may be for you, there are those who want to embrace
you. I hope they will find you and you will find them.
The meeting closed with a few more remarks from David
Litchfield, a prayer and then the audience dispersed.
I stayed seated on my pew, mostly watching people in
clusters talking to each other. I didn’t
have a reason to hurry home, other than to type up these notes and I kept
watching faces, seeing people walk out of the meeting in twos and threes. I saw one young woman with small buttons (the
kind that have a simple motto on them) on the strap of her bag, both on the
front and the back. There was no room
left for strap. All buttons. I looked at
an older woman with a beautiful soft black leather jacket, a flowing skirt and
who walked with confidence up a few pews ahead of me to greet someone she knew.
The kind of woman who looks like
everything has gone right for her. In
reality I know this is not true of anyone. I watched Tom Christofferson come
off of the stand. Either David
Litchfield is very short or Christofferson is very tall, for the distance
between the two of them was surprising in its length. I listened to the organ –I didn’t catch the
name of the woman who played it, but I knew that there were hours of practise
behind every note. Isn’t the general
rule, 40 hours of practise behind every minute of performance. I hoped that they never take that organ and
sell it, as they did in one chapel in Ontario/Quebec. Someone approached me and I had to ask that
the couple refresh my memory as to whom they were. We sat for a long time and chatted, so long
that the man who was closing up the building come by to alert us that there
weren’t many people left in the building and that he would be closing up.
On the way out I saw Tony and Sessa Stephens leaving the
building.
That is it for the evening.
I was left with an overwhelming love toward the parents of the
Christoffersons. Tom told stories about
their parenting from which I feel I could take a lesson, though my children are grown
and my parenting days are over. I think he
tells these stories in his book, though I haven’t read it. I did hear some of the experiences on the
podcast about their journey when they knew that they have a gay son. It was his mother who gathered the family
together after the grandchildren were in bed at a family vacation and who said
to all, our family can be loyal to each other.
She may have also said something about how the family loves and accepts
Tom ….
is a paramount part of that loyalty, although I can’t remember the exact words.
Thus endeth my report.
Arta
