For Father's Day - #3 The Burglar Bold

Doral couldn’t hold a tune. But still he sang songs for us like The Burglar Bold”. When I checked the internet to find songs he sang to us, they are more tuneful than the melodies he sang for us. Best to say he could take a tune and make it into twentieth century atonal music and not even know he was doing that. I can enjoy Sam McGee, the Grandad of Guitar Pickers,

But  when Sam sings, it is a completely new tune for me.  I can’t sing along with him.  His isn’t singing the tune I learned. For me Doral’s music was heady stuff – his melody the was picked up by my ear, one that was trained to place every note on the musical staff of my mind. I acquired the unusual ability to sing his song perfectly, mirroring his off-key voice with every phrase.

... she took out her teeth and her big glass eye,
and the hair all off her head ...

Doral would pantomime the lyrics as he sang. 

He would take out his false teeth on the phrase, “she took out her teeth”.

And he would act as though he were gouging out his own eye at the line were she takes out her big glass eye.

Doral swooped it out with his index finger and I could see it flying across the room, bounce, bounce, bounce and into a corner.

I can see him taking a slow, dramatic swipe of his hand over his own bald head as he sang that she took “the hair all off her head”.

And then he went on to sing the rest of the song sans dentures, twisting his lips, the upper one to the left, the lower one to the right, sometimes pressed both lips inward or maybe both lips thrown to one side of his mouth in a cone, winkles around his lips, terror in my heart to the end of the song, holding one last dramatic pause, and then … he …. became grandpa again, putting his teeth back in his mouth and letting the dramatic moment lift.

As I grew older and watch him sing this song to my children, another kind of terror ran through me, wondering if someday I would be taking the teeth of my mouth, me, an old white-haired woman, hair already swept back from her head, but running my hand over it to model baldness, gums writhing, singing about old maids and handsome you robbers and unwanted alliances.

Here are the lyrics our family sings, thought I don’t know why I am posting them, since they are burned into everyone’s memory:

I’ll tell you about a burglar bold who went to rob a house.
He opened the window and crept right in as quiet as a mouse. 

The burglar looked about him. The folks were all asleep,
And so he said, “By jiminy, I think I’ll take a sleep. 

So under the bed, the burglar crept, he crept right against the wall
He didn’t know it was the old maid’s house or he wouldn’t have been there at all. 

About nine o’clock the old maid came in, “Dear me, I’m tired,” she said.
She didn’t know there was anybody there, so she didn’t look under the bed.

She took out her teeth and her big glass eye and the hair all off her head.
And the burglary had about fourty-eleven fits, as he shook under the bed.

From under the bed the burglar crept, he was a total wreck,
The old maid wasn’t asleep at all and she grabbed him by the neck

She didn’t scream nor holler, but was as cool as a clam.
And said,”Pray Saints, at last I’ve found a man.” 

She took a pistol from under her pillow and to the burglar said,
“Young man, if you don’t marry me, I’ll blow off the top of your head.' 

The burglar looked about him. There was no place to scoot.
And so, he said, “By jiminy, madam, for Pete’s sake ... shoot.”

(#3 of 15, to be continued)

Arta

For Father's Day - #2 Adam was a gardener

Doral with Teague, Tonia and Marcia circa 1976
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Doral would tell stories as we would drive along in the car.

Raucous stories about his practical joke playing relatives, stories about jokes play by them on him, stories about jokes played on him by them.

We begged for the stories, naming them by incident: “Tell us about Frank shooting the white horse; tell us about Amanda hiding in the newly dug grave; tell us about the cow pie under the hat, and so he told them over and over again as we would drive.

When he was tired of storytelling he would sing to us:

Adam was a gardener, and Eve she was his souse.
They got the sack for stealing food and went to keeping house.
They lived a very quiet life, and peaceful in the main,
Until they had a baby and started raising Cain.

 And we joined in the chorus

Young folks, old folks, ev’ry body come,
Come and join our Sunday School and have a lot of fun.
Please to check your chewing gum and razor at the door,
And you’ll hear some Bible stories that you’ve never heard before.

Then dad would start on another of the 12 verses,

God made Satan, and Satan made sin,
God made a hot place to put Satan in.
Satan didn’t like it, so he said he wouldn’t stay.
He’s been acting like the devil ever since that sorry day.
And we would join in the chorus --

Doral created a love of religion in me with those songs.

That was the devil in him.

All of the verses of the songs were about transgressions.

I loved what seemed like the transgressive act of singing them.

(#2 of 15, to be continued)

Arta

Hang Down Your Head

Alice waiting or her ice cream bar.

Today the Johnson children moved from scary stories around the campfire to songs about murder.

One of the first guitar songs Bonnie is learning to play on the guitar is Tom Dooley.

We were looking at phrases about fright; stabbed with a knife, bound to die, and hanging from the white oak tree.

We also had to consider the topic about why a man might want to hang down his head, or in the case of Tom Dooley, had to hang down his head for he didn’t make it to another county, and so will have to pay the price.

Betty half way through her ice cream bar.

When I asked Alice what was going to happen to Tom Dooley, she put her hands around her throat, made her eyes bug out, made a strangling sound with her throat, and put on the finishing touch ending with her tongue hanging out of the side of her mouth. I guess she got it.

Singing happened down in what Bonnie coined “The music café.” All of our songs are played in the key of C major or G major. These may not be the keys that are the easiest for us to sing it in, but that is all Bonnie knows how to do on the guitar so far.

When the songs were done, Alice suggested we all go up to “the cafeteria” (the kitchen).

Michael with as much chocolate on his face 
as his grandmother gets on hers.

We had some ice cream.

We also took a look at the song “Worried Man Blues.”

I asked them if they had ever seen their mother or father worried.

Michael said, “not really.”

That was funny. It just goes to show you how little children really know about their parents.

My Paddle's Keen and Bright

written by Margaret Embers McGee (1918)
a song that is used to keep time paddling

I was thinking about David being out in his kayak, and an old song popped into my head.

I thought it was called "Land of the Silver Birch" but on an internet search, I discovered the words I was looking for are in another song: "My Paddle's Keen and Bright".

The u-tube I have pointed to above is a little more syncopated than the version I know.  But I still like it.  Try listening to it over breakfast.

Catchy.

And when Aunt Wyona is in the room, we will sing it as a 4-piece round.

I think I will teach it to Michael for I am keen on teaching him a new song every time he and I are together and we have some spare time.  This song would be a good one to sing when he finally gets a chance to ride in your canoe, David.  The song is used to keep paddlers in time with each other, which you have already discovered, I am sure, can be a problem.


I was working on teaching Michael the song,  "Mirzy doats" / "Mare's Eat Oats" yesterday.  He wanted to switch the chatter between us, for we were walking home from the LRT and so he did, "Step on a crack, you break your mother's back", instead.

Not a song really, but a fun childhood chant.  He can make his feet skip along the sidewalk and not hit any of the cracks.  

I want him to be able to hum "dip, dip and swing", when he gets a paddle in his hands.

Arta

I Know an Old Lady

I can usually get children to sing. But I could not make a hit with the song "One in a Million!" from The Friend when it came to getting the kids here to sing that tune from the February 2011 issue.

I went back to the song the next day and looked at it carefully -- formatas, changes in tempos, even instructions to clap during one of the eighth rests ... and then I could see we were fighting with a song that is more difficult than one I usually pick up to try with them.

So ... never to give up, while Naomi was doing her valentines, I began to sing phrase after phrase, finally getting her to lead the song and using the formata at the end of the second line as a hook.

She could lead and I would hold the note until she made a loop and then the downward stroke to take me into the beginning of the syncopated next line.

Now we were having fun!

After that it was easy to move into the Reader's Digest Canadian Songbook. Who would have known that "I know an old woman who swallowed a fly," was written by a Canadian.

Nor who would have known how much fun it is to sing ... and to listen to the solemn parody on a funeral dirge at the end of the song.

So far we have learned "Four Strong Winds", "The Huron Carol" and "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" -- all songs by Canadian musicians.

I predict it won't be long until we are singing songs from the Bare Naked Ladies.

Arta

Songs My Father Taught Me

My dad had a few songs and poems he knew: the Sunday School Song; I'll Tell you ABout a Buglar Bold; I Went to see my Grandma, One Cold and Wintry Day, etc.

Singing those songs with the Brooks kids, I have had to refresh my memory on some of the verses  from the Baptist Sunday School Song, which I now call the Mormon Sunday School Song, so as not to confuse my grandchildren.  This may not be enough to stop them from getting confused though I am trying.

There are 125 stanzas. I have selected only a few to teach, for reasons that will be clear if you look at the blueness of some of the other stanzas in the link to the original song.  Sing away, but I ought not teach some of those lyrics to a five year old.

So here it is.  Arta's expergated and revised Ba[tost Sunday School song that her father sang to her.

The Baptist Sunday School

Chorus:
Young folks, old folks, everybody come
Join the Baptist Sunday School, and have a lot of fun
Please to leave your chewing gum and razors at the door
And you'll hear some Bible stories that you've never heard before

Verses:

3. God made Satan, Satan made sin
God made a hot place to keep Satan in
Satan didn't like it so he said he wouldn't stay
He's been acting like the devil ever since that day

7. Adam was the first man that ever was invented
He lived all his life and never was contented
He was made of clay in the days gone by
And hung on a fence in the sun to dry

18. Adam was a gardener and Eve was his spouse
They got the sack for stealing fruit and took to keeping house
They lived a very quiet life and peaceful in the main
'Til Eve had a baby and they started raising Cain

21. Cain he raised potatoes and he peddled 'em in town
Abel called him hayseed every time he came around
Cain he laid a stick o' wood on brother Abel's head
And when he took the stick away, he found poor Able dead.

26. Methuselah got famous, for he refused to die
"When ya gonna croak?" they asked, he answered, "Bye and bye!"
And when they pressed him for the date, Methuzy whispered "Hush!"
Then laughing thru his whiskers, he hollered "What's the rush?"

33. Along came Noah walkin' in the dark
He stumbled over a hammer and buit himself an Ark
In came the animals two by two
The Hippokangaramus and the Hippokangaroo

46. Pharaoh had a daughter with a most bewitching smile
Who found the baby Moses in the rushes by the Nile
She took him to her father who said That's a likely tale,
It's just about as probable as Jonah and the whale
55a. Shadrak, Meshak, and Abednigo
Wouldn't obey the king, so they had to go
Put 'em in a furnace to burn 'em up like chaff
But their asbestos B.V.D.s gave the king a laugh

55b. Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego
Told the King of Babylon where he could go
He put them in the furnace, and gave the door a slam
But they wore asbestos BVD's and didn't give a....hoot
59. Joseph was a shepherd lad the Bible stories tell us
His golf coat was so stunning that it made his brothers jealous
So they sold him into Egypt for a small consideration
Where he made a million dollars on a big grain speculation
64. Joshua was a jazz cat - the greatest ever born
The wall of Jericho fell down when he blew on his horn
Pursuing all his enemies, he made the sun stand still
The sun it wouldn't listen, so he nailed it to a hill!

65. Here comes Ruth just looking all around
Just like the girls in my home town
Didn't wear any lipstick, or powder on her nose
But she got a fella, as everybody knows!

70. Sampson was a strong man of the John L. Sullivan school
Killed a thousand Phillistines with the jawbone of a mule
Along came Delilah who filled him up with gin
Slashed off his hair and the coppers run him in.

77. Esau was a cowboy of a wild and woolly make
His father left a farm to him, and half to brother Jake
Esau thought his title to the land was none too clear
So he sold it all to Jakey for a burger and a beer.

83. David was a shepherd boy, his mother's pride and joy
His dad gave him a sling shot; a harmless little toy
Along came Goliath a-lookin' for a fuss
David heaved a cobblestone and caved in his crust.

92. Daniel was a shepherd boy got sassy with the king
The king said he'd stand for no such a thing
Put him in a den with lions underneath
But Daniel was a dentist and he pulled the lions' teeth

100. King Solomon and King David lived merry, merry lives
With many, many lady friends and many, many wives
But when old age came upon them with many, many qualms
Solomon wrote the Proverbs and David wrote the Psalms

116. Salome was a dancer, she danced the hoochy-kooch.
She made a hit with Herod, 'cause she didn't wear too mooch.
Said Herod, "Salome, dear, you'll raise a scandal here."
Said Salome, "I don't give a [darn]," and kicked the chandelier.

121. Jesus had a problem, how to feed five thousand folk,
Would he have a runnin' buffet, or a purvey in a poke,
He turned to the disciples, says, "What do you think they'd wish,"
Andrew says "It's Friday Lord, ye'll have tae gie them fish"

Final Verse

125. Now, good folks, we've told you all the dope;
We're sure we've done you lots of good, at least, that's what we hope.
Methuselah wrote these very words when he was but a youth,
And we have it from the old boy that every word's the truth!